A Country Girl's Rite of Passage
- Grow and can fresh vegetables. Check!
- Know how to drive thru the mud. Check! (Just take a look at my drive after these 2 weeks of rain, mud-riding-paradise)
- Kill a snake. CHECK!
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Yep. I...killed...a...snake. All by my lonesome. Forgive me for the self patting on my back but I am terrified of snakes! Anyone who knows me knows this. Well, they know it if they have ever seen me around one!
But back to my story about this particular snake. Of course, Herman decides to show up while Barry is at work.
Barry is my husband (whose nickname used to be snake, which is kinda ironic in this case!). The snake I named Herman. Yes, I named the snake. Don't judge me.
Barry is my husband (whose nickname used to be snake, which is kinda ironic in this case!). The snake I named Herman. Yes, I named the snake. Don't judge me.
I was enjoying my second cup of coffee and went to look outside my dining room window. And there he was, on the top step to my back porch! Lucky for me, this was my second cup of coffee and I was able to think fast.
For those of you who don't know me, I simply can not function until my second cup in the mornings.
But since I was halfway thru my second cup I was able to remember that there is a back door in the kitchen...which has a kitty door... which leads to the back porch...which leads to the back steps...which leads to the snake who was about two feet from entering my home!
But since I was halfway thru my second cup I was able to remember that there is a back door in the kitchen...which has a kitty door... which leads to the back porch...which leads to the back steps...which leads to the snake who was about two feet from entering my home!
I ran to close the kitty entrance and barricaded the door. It was shut up tight with anything I could find...pots, pans, cases of water. Then immediately I went to put on my shoes (you simply can not fight a snake in houseshoes!)
It was at that moment I realized that the shovel was right on the back porch, where Barry left it after planting his tomato plants.
Right thru the door that I just locked up and barricaded.
Crap.
It was at that moment I realized that the shovel was right on the back porch, where Barry left it after planting his tomato plants.
Right thru the door that I just locked up and barricaded.
Crap.
I had to move the barricade, open it back up, grab the shovel, get back in, and rebarricade all the while, keeping in mind not to wake the kids.
I didn't want them involved in the snake hunt before I had given them their morning meds!
That would be all I could take: a snake, Chad screaming "I'm scared, hold me!" and then screaming "I want to see it!", and Lauren screaming "Don't kill it!" then "Can I keep him?! Why can't I keep him!"
Jeez, after all I had only started my second cup of coffee, I would need to have had my second pot to handle all that!
I didn't want them involved in the snake hunt before I had given them their morning meds!
That would be all I could take: a snake, Chad screaming "I'm scared, hold me!" and then screaming "I want to see it!", and Lauren screaming "Don't kill it!" then "Can I keep him?! Why can't I keep him!"
Jeez, after all I had only started my second cup of coffee, I would need to have had my second pot to handle all that!
But, I digress, sorry. Back to Herman.
Now I had the door properly closed, shovel in my hand, kids still asleep, and snake still in the top step. So far, so good!
I had to quickly go out the side door, thru the garage, and across the back yard to the steps.
Yes, I know I was just standing on the back porch. You don't think I was gonna try to go down those steps with the snake on them, do you!?
Well, I didn't.
I went around and came up on the snake thru the yard just as he crawled under the steps.
Crap.
Now I had the door properly closed, shovel in my hand, kids still asleep, and snake still in the top step. So far, so good!
I had to quickly go out the side door, thru the garage, and across the back yard to the steps.
Yes, I know I was just standing on the back porch. You don't think I was gonna try to go down those steps with the snake on them, do you!?
Well, I didn't.
I went around and came up on the snake thru the yard just as he crawled under the steps.
Crap.
If you have enjoyed the story so far, well, what are you waiting for?
Grab yourself another cup of coffee and find out what happened!
OMG! I am just rolling with laughter!! Shannon, you are a natural story teller!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Annie! I tell ya, if I didn't laugh at my life, I would be curled up in a ball somewhere mumbling incoherently!
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